Monday, July 14, 2008

hope and mathematics

how's this for a boring life slash person - that would be my life slash me (how's that for a crappy intro): my blog posts are all about books, grad school, some music, some movies, a lot of tennis (before the french open; it will take maybe years before i write anything tennis again, the slam after the french was really devastating. we will call it that: the slam after the french).

of course there are the emoposts, can't live without drama. they're all true by the way, they sound all campy and shit but when i wrote them they made sense. even this attempt at metawriting borders on the dramatic, hence on the overly uncool too.

i should do a quantitative study of all my blogposts. find out how shitty my life is, or at least the part of it that i'm willing to write about. it may not appear so but i do edit myself, and harshly. i'm just not that good a writer. or editor for that matter. real life is nasty and brutish and short. where'd that come from! real life is shittier than what we tell other people it is.

next week i'm attending a company activity in subic. tried my best to not go but i'm a hopeful person. that or i'm masochistic. said yes last week. the lack of sleep lessened the obsessing, which should have begun five seconds after i confirmed. one friend summarized everything (and this i know is the truth of it all; i just will not put it this way. i'd stick to my moving on, i don't deserve this story): you want to go. i do want to be there. i'm not trying hard enough. is there like a pill for this?

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