notes to self

00:29. break. i've been writing (or editing, depends on the pov) this script for a work thing for an hour now. tour. some japanese big guys are coming and there's a presentation to be made, so. 31 slides and i'm only on the seventh or eighth. i need to finish everything by 2am, maybe 3.

i've no work tomorrow but after everything after 3am would be just plain crap. working and yawning are two things i cannot do together. i guess when you've worked in a company for a long time (relative to, i don't know. i just think it's long already) they start giving you more shit to do. which is both good and not good; like all things. fuck i sound like i should be getting more sleep. or reading more books.

no idea still what i'd like to do, i mean, i like the job and all. there are some problems, uglies, but then where there's people there's bound to be discomfort. or something worse. i wonder what people think of me. scared to know. do i have a five-year plan? sometimes i think i do (or have). but right now, i noticed that my goals are really not the type of goals one would expect from, well, anyone.

they're more: finish a paper by friday instead of have a degree in lit after two years. or submit the script tomorrow instead of be a boss five years from now. when is this forgivable and when is it just plain sloth? completely clueless. i have a thing to write. let's leave the personal trash for now. need to work.

01:37. second break. fuck. tv's fault. some et show on divas and movies. do i have a choice? i have to watch this. i really love diana ross and fuckyou i don't care. not the singer, actor, bitch. it's the celebrity diana ross i love. can i say fierce? ok, now start judging.

15:17. not a big fan of michael phelps but when i saw that swimming relay game whatever earlier i joined the two down, six more to go chorus. phelps was more cheerleader though; the hero was some lezak guy who beat the last french swimmer by a nanosecond. i may be exaggerating again but i seriously think that that was a nanosecond.

thanks to my generous company there's a free pool in the free condo where i could learn how to swim, if it isn't too late for that. tried swimming earlier today. it's not to late for anything. television and envy do that to people. we start having delusions.