performance principle

i suddenly wished i were bored again; you hate it when you do nothing but you hate it when you've like tons of shit in front of you, too. human nature. or just my nature. i blame the inconsistency on something beyond me, something immune to change.

grad school's giving me the worst time. not that i'm overworked, there are hours when i just lie in bed and do nothing, you know those hours right, you do that, too. i hate oxymorons. doing nothing. i don't read. my house is a mess; a dumpsite'd be cleaner. i think i saw a thousand roaches last night. the bug killer is in the kitchen. or somewhere.

yeah, i wrote school. i always knew it'd be hard. not academically, or anything. hard for me, as a, this became a joke among friends, as a person. managing time, that is the hardest thing in the world. doing things without being told, that has to be the second hardest. but i won't quit. because i never do. frailty. i envy quitters. they live life. i imagine it.

there's an effort to stay away from melodrama, of any kind. skip the lonely tom waits songs. listen to the really fantastic ones. fantastic meaning really fantastic. loud. cuss-inducing. fuck you. there.